House Pride
by The Fat Chipmunk
Summary: Voldemort's dead and the Hogwarts Houses are finally united under one banner. And of course unity is great and all that, but we can't let it get in the way of our precious House pride, can we?


Disclaimer: Who, us?**  
**

**House Pride  
**_Compiled and created by _jynkyg _and _The Fat Chipmunk

House unity is great and all that, but we can't lose that precious house pride, can we?

Note: Just continuing our list-frenzy here (see **101 Things Not To Do At Hogwarts **if you haven't yet!) with a couple of Hogwarts House-isms. Again, we got most of these off the internet (we're sure you've seen some of them) so we're definitely not taking any credit whatsoever. Just hope you enjoy. :)

* * *

Welcome to Gryffindor. A Weasley has probably slept in your bed.

**Gryffindor – (n.)** – _where dwell the brave at heart_

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_Definition:_

-Brave to the point of idiocy.-

-Where Snape really belongs.-

-Weasley dumping grounds.-

-Saving your arse more times than we can count.-

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_Gryffindor's Guide To Life:_

Life is short. Break some rules. And some statutes, codes, and laws while you're at it.

Do or do not. There is no try.

Life without danger is a waste of oxygen. (See **Slytherin**)

Punch first, question later.

Whatever doesn't kill you…will probably try again.

If you're gonna get in trouble for hitting someone, you might as well do it hard.

Drug of choice: Adrenaline

I'm no braver than an ordinary man. I'm just braver five minutes longer.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

We don't believe in miracles. We depend on them.

There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened.

Never tell us the odds.

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_Gryffindor Quotes:_

I came, I saw, I kicked some ass.

There can't be a crisis next week! My schedule's already full.

If there's anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now.

I'd rather be playing Quidditch.

No, it's not easy. I just make it look that way.

You just got Gryffinpwned. :)

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If Harry speaks and Umbridge does not hear him, is he still a liar?

* * *

Welcome to Ravenclaw. We're too good for passwords.

**Ravenclaw – (n.)** – _where those of wit and learning will always find their kind_

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_Definition:_

-Not geniuses. Just smarter than you.-

-Hermione should be here. I want a word with the Sorting Hat.-

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_Ravenclaw's Guide To Life:_

The geeks shall inherit the earth.

A room without books is like a body without a soul.

There is something out there. Something stupid.

It's not _who _you know, it's _whom _you know.

Sarcasm is nature's natural defense against stupidity.

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

I think, therefore I'm dangerous.

Treat everyone the same until you find out they're an idiot.

Gryffindors have more fun, but we remember it the next day.

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_Ravenclaw Quotes:_

When Google can't find something, it asks Ravenclaw for help.

In an average room, there 1242 objects a Ravenclaw can use to kill you…including the room itself.

"Geeks" and "nerds" do not exist. Those are just stereotypes made by people who can't spell their own names.

I am not antisocial. I just can't stand people.

I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request…means no.

We're not emotionless. We love our textbooks very much.

You very well may "pwn" but at least I own you in proper English. Who's a noob now?

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right.

We'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

I've tried callous indifference, but arrogant confrontation is more fun.

It's a real burden, being right so often.

No, we will not do your homework. …For free.

Don't hate me because of my superior intellect and sarcastic attitude.

My neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns.

I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for everyone else.

I'd explain it to you, but your mind would blow up.

I'm so clever that sometimes I don't understand a word of what I'm saying.

I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.

Rack your brains. That should only take a couple of seconds.

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I'd call you a genius, but I'm in the room.

* * *

Welcome to Hufflepuff. (Cedric was here!)

**Hufflepuff – (n.)** – _where they are just and loyal_

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_Definition:_

-Hufflepuff: That's some kind of pokemon, right?-

-A complete pussy.-

-The grouphug house.-

-'Cause we're…um…loyal.-

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_Hufflepuff's Guide To Life:_

Smile and let it go.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Being underestimated isn't always a bad thing.

If you can't say anything nice…you're probably hanging around the wrong people. (See **Slytherin**)

Speak your mind. Even if your voice shakes.

Save a tree. Wipe your arse with an owl.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who lie alone at night with tears in their eyes and those who play hopscotch and sing in the corridors.

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

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_Hufflepuff Quotes:_

Jesus was a Hufflepuff!

We're better than you. (Sorry.)

We aren't wimps. We kill people with plants.

I can last two months on a good compliment.

Brace yourself, I'm going to hug you.

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

I'm like a bra. Close to your heart and there for support.

You think we're cute? That's nice. 

We huff, we puff, and we blow you away.

I'm planning your death. But in a happy way. What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?

I only _look_ sweet and innocent.

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Well…we had Cedric.

* * *

Welcome to Slytherin. Now get out.

**Slytherin – (n.)** – _those cunning folk use any means to achieve their ends_

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_Definition:_

-Our blood is purer than yours.-

-You-Know-Who was here.-

-Filch is our cheerleader.-

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_Slytherin's Guide To Life:_

Because ambition is everything.

Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

Real friends help you Incendio the bodies.

He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.

Mean and funny is still funny.

Ethics? Highly subjective and complete overrated.

A quitter never wins…and then gets to go home early.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Don't be a hero. It's not covered by the health plan.

Either find a way or make one.

We're only wearing black until something darker comes along.

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_Slytherin Quotes:_

The only person I have ever apologized to is my mother and that was court-ordered.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

Oh, look, just 2345854 more days until I start caring what you think.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.

I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face up against my palm.

Don't hate us because we're beautiful. Hate us because we kick your ass at everything.

If you weren't my friend I'd steal your shoes.

Excuse me, but I have minds to twist and values to warp.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

Does your face hurt? 'Cause it's killing me.

Your mother is so ugly, it lowers her self-esteem.

I crashed a funeral today.

Of course we come from monkeys – just look at your mother.

What did I do to deserve all this? …Except all the sinning?

I was voted "Most likely to be seen on the news someday."

That was a mean, low, sneaky, underhanded trick! And I'm quite pleased with myself.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Who are you and why should I care?

It matters not whether you win or lose. It matters whether I win or lose.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I don't intend to offend. I just offend with my intent.

I'm free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'd be glad to make an exception.

We used to care, but now we take a potion for that.

Shut your mouth when you're talking to me.

It might be dangerous. You can go first.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

My soul was removed to make room for all this sarcasm.

There is more awesomeness in my pinky than in your entire being.

Tony Soprano is my cousin. Pwned.

––––––

Blast house unity. Slytherins are the best.

* * *

A **Gryffindor **will jump off a cliff,

A _Slytherin _will push someone else off,

A Hufflepuff will call in five hundred others and they'll carve a stairway,

And a Ravenclaw will get hold of a flying carpet.

_What will you do?_

* * *

We agonized over the format here a bit, but we think it turned out all right. Slytherin is definitely our favorite. And then maybe Ravenclaw. Hope you're smiling. :) 


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